Dear Diary,

I'm writing here so I don't gush to my polite, tolerant, beautiful friends who let me air out thousands of details constantly.

I'm writing here because the time I get to spend with the boy is often dominated by his talkative roommate.  In fact, it's usually dominated by him.  I enjoy hanging out with all of them, but our private time tends to be more intimate and less about casual conversation.  We are gradually growing closer, but I haven't had any deep conversations with him in a fairly long time.

Diary, I think I'm doing it.  At least, my deliberately trying to hang back and let details sort themselves out seems to be a sensible strategy.  It's getting more peaceful.  I feel lighter and more cheerful.

Also, as per the sage advice of dating columnists, I'm not writing off other options.  There are still a few other gentlemen with whom I'm corresponding, but I'm not so invested in any of them...they seem to express enough interest to continue contacting me, and I'm interested enough to have conversation, so this is a helpful way not to fixate or obsess on anyone.

But the boy knows I'm enamored.  I've told him.

And I'm not sorry that I did.  I trust him.  He's kind, he's caring, and he's protective.  He's so damn humble.  He's gentle with me.

In fact, I've told this boy how highly I think of him on many occasions, but I don't want to gush at him out of context.  I don't want to over-say it, so it feels less honest and undeserved to him.  We agreed last night that we are very fond of each other.  He called me a "kick-ass lady," and then, "really killer," which is so terribly endearing.  Then he rephrased it as, "seriously, I wouldn't spend this kind of time with you if I didn't really think that."  I told him I knew, and that I am picky too.

He's not a perfect man, but he's a good man.  I love his smile.  I love how he holds me.  I love how he treats his friends, and how he talks about them, and how he takes care of his shit like a grown up.

With some trepidation I asked if he would spend Valentine's Day with me, and he laughed a little and agreed that he'd plan for that.  I don't want to hang expectations on him, because I like that we're evolving very slowly in a positive direction...but I want to secure this boy's company that night :)

Diary, I also think he's proud to spend time with me.  I think he might appreciate having his friends see him being treated well by a woman they approve of.  I know his friends approve of me :)  He deserves to have someone beef up his ego a little bit--he has the least amount of ego of literally any guy I've ever dated.

I like him.  I've liked him a lot since the first time we met, but now I know quite a bit more about him.  I'm learning things about him every day.  Almost every interaction with him has been great; even the times he canceled on me last-minute, he was extremely upfront about the circumstances and not simpering.  I told him it was fine, but that the ball was in his court...and he understood and made things right eventually.  I've never felt mishandled by him.

It seems, Diary, as if this were the type of guy who would go to great lengths in my favor to avoid hurting me, if at some point one of us stopped feeling the connection.  I just think he's that stand-up of a guy.  Even so, I hope we know each other for a long time.  I like being included in his friendly gatherings and outings.  It's easy to be around him.

Anyway, thanks Diary.  It's lots of fun to have a crush.  I just need to avoid fueling it at work!