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I get into some severe highs and lows with my job, but thank goodness I've found my rhythm. It will be a shame to have to abandon that sense of comfort when I leave Korea, because I assure you it gets incredibly comfortable here. People leave, and then come back repeatedly, or hem and haw until they inevitably sign another year contract again and again, because they have either nothing else to do, or have found it extremely convenient to be paid to be here. The promise of employment, however devoid of promotion or advancement, is still guaranteed, when it obviously isn't in most places. This is a trap, I think. It's how people get lulled to sleep in their lives and rest on their laurels and forget that they had dreams and ambitions before they came to Korea. Or maybe they didn't, and that's why they've stayed here so long. No other ideas; may as well live in Korea, where I am afforded a small amount of vacation time and the freedom to travel and drink and relatively expendable income.
I'm just not in that boat. People are half-shocked that I have elected not to stay another full year. Everyone just assumes that we are here for good. On the other hand, my mother and grandma do me no favors by delivering grim news about the job market and the economy in Arizona and the U.S. That's just what I need to motivate me...though I haven't really felt as hopeless and directionless as I did in January.
I have lovely, wonderful friends and family who support me and have the utmost faith in me. It really means a lot. Also, I am just trying to focus on what I am trying to make of my presence. I have a taekwondo tournament in three weeks. My coach and my peers seem to think I am doing a great job and that I'm really ready for it. I don't disagree, but I have no idea how ready I should be or feel. I'll just have to see for myself. I don't even expect to win, but I sure would like to lay in a few good points to the head to show up the racist judges, referees and opposing coaches and players. Though I don't anticipate fairness by refs and judges, I do want to make my coach proud.
Then there's the belly dance performance, where I have found myself with a 6-minute fan solo project to work on. I'm sewing and beading a new costume, and choreographing and practicing my fan dance, and my free time literally doesn't exist!
I have to stay up late just to download new LOST episodes, though obviously I'm willing to do that!
The biggest blessing I can relay is that it is FINALLY starting to feel warmer. The weather has been rainy and grey, but the temperature hovers around freezing now, which is much more tolerable than say...13 degrees Fahrenheit. In late March, my friends will come visit me from Dalian, China, and we will explore Seoul as tourists (I haven't really felt like a tourist here in a long time!), and I will offer my humble abode for their brief stay. Maybe we will have leaves by then! (It's cold in China too, though, so I hope it's comfortable when they get here!!)
I'm proud of myself for what I have done and what I can do. I'm feeling lovely, sexy, strong, and beautiful. I feel like a successful teacher. My students are just amazing, loving, inspiring little people who bless me every day. I am so fortunate to get to have relationships with all those kids, to have their trust and their adoration and admiration, to be able to bury them in hugs and affection, or share a joke and a sincere, hearty laugh. It makes all the difference, every single day, that I have the chance to connect with them.
Spring is COMING!
