and so it begins....

i'm here in willcox, az, outside a motel with free high speed wireless internet and i'm downloading some GIS software to use on our trips out in the field. my p.i. (primary investigator) is a real person, he's very nice, and i think we'll get along great.

so we're going to camp out at the chiricahua national monument tonight, and for tomorrow, who knows?

i think i can finally relax now.

crescendometrium

so i'm leaving for the chiricahua mountains in southeastern arizona next monday. i am presently packing (if you call sitting here typing "packing") my household items and having an ever-growing knot in my stomach.

it's nice that i have the house to myself most of the time. it's very difficult to leave a home, a beautiful garden, a dog, and a man that i love behind. but nobody is holding me back, and i do appreciate it. everyone has supported me, agreed that i am doing the "right thing" by following this goal, and gone out of their way to help me. that is far more than i could ask of anybody.

life these days has truly been a whirlwind. trying to keep straight so many thoughts and plans and lists inside my head is rather exhausting and has ultimately left me numb.

in fact, it's difficult for me to think up anything else to type, because i'm quite literally swamped with other details to face. until then...

moving soon

i seem to have a fruit fly with me wherever i go these days. perhaps as a thank-you for the growing composting heap i have built outside, or as a tiny guardian. i've never been able to get a good look at it.

i've started packing, but i'm going about it all very slowly. my mother's advice was to label all the boxes and make a corresponding list to the contents of each box. while it is a brilliant idea, it is just complicated enough to prevent me from wrapping myself around initiating a full-scale packing project. gradually, i have donated items to the thrift store down the street, and decided which things i can leave behind. i've transplanted plants into their temporary homes so they can stay with babysitters for the summer. i've sorted through some books and some dishes i hardly use, and packed knick knacks and wall hangings and such. but there is still so much stuff! it's a big, intimidating task, and i am just so not thrilled to have to do it.

on the other hand, i'm anxious about leaving here without a dime to my name and making zilch for the next three months. and then moving to phoenix, even temporarily. i haven't lived there in four and a half years. i have forgotten large portions of the street grid, the commercial real estate in our neighborhood is completely different (my parents are across the street from a very old mall). the new Super Target and Light Rail train and massive expanse of developments in every cardinal direction, they're over 4 million people! ghastly! it makes tucson feel very quaint and quiet by comparison. i believe i prefer it that way.

then there's the idea that i'll be sleeping in a tent for most of the summer. i'll listen to owls and crickets and the sound of my colleague sleeping. i'll have to cope with pooping in the woods, every day for days on end. i'll breathe fresh air more often than not, and see wildlife more often than people (i hope).

and i'm ready for that. i'm ready to walk for miles every day, through aspen groves and meadows of wildflowers.

i can only make guesses about what it will look like, but my imagination and google images has conjured up these:


















































so those are my guesses. i haven't gotten any information yet on which points we'll be at, and i'm assuming it's because my ph.d. student is very busy preparing for his summer of research (but it couldn't hurt to let me in on where the heck he's gonna need to go and in what order, better yet where he'll be in two weeks when i'm headed out to meet him).

i've decided it's going to be a blast, though. i'm just itching to get through with all of this moving and heartache at home, it's really wearing me down. it'll be great to get some momentum...soon.

oh i get so aimless when i write blogs just before bed!

accomplished today

FINITO!
complete!
concluded!

i am so happy and relieved and proud of myself for working so hard on this material. now, more than when i even graduated college, because i did this on my own at my own pace and it wasn't just being dragged along behind the wagon trying to keep up. i completely own this victory. i stayed positive and stuck to it every day and reminded myself that i love biology and this was a great opportunity to refresh it all.

the benefits of this moment far exceed a score that someday i'll receive in the mail. right now, today, i am illuminated within. i am above and beyond the rubble that i could be bent over. my spirit is renewed, the obstacle is passed, and there is love in my heart and no stress to battle it.

thank you.

those loose li'l ends

firstly, i'd like to spend a moment recounting the things i've done lately that have been impressively proactive and productive....

-i filled out the paperwork and purchased the money orders necessary for payment and SENT my taxes this evening

-yesterday i went to the post office and took the photographs, submitted the application, my birth certificate, and the fees for my very own passport (which i have been meaning to get for AGES)

-i've studied for at LEAST four hours every day since last saturday. sometimes i can't focus, but overall i am positively astounded at the progress i've made through the book and practice tests, especially considering the vast majority of it is review. i've been going to the university science library, which helps so much because it is prime study location and it's quiet and often deserted. even on the days i can't focus well (like yesterday), i still manage to plow through a chunk of material. i always feel so good when i'm walking to my car after a long bout with the books. the book i'm studying from is also very interesting and engaging (not written like a textbook) despite its numerous, careless typos. i find them just distracting enough to be annoyed by them, but not enough to do anything about it.

-i've been packing. a little here and there. i sold some old video cassettes and books i didn't want, making space for myself. dishes and decorations and knick knacks. eyeballing what could be packed next and poising them mentally for the moment this test malarkey is over with.

-i gave yoshi a bath and a haircut today. he is so patient and tolerant. i trimmed lots around his face, including the little red tear-stained crusties and his eyebrows, and he didn't fight me at all. he did NOT enjoy having the dreadlocks around his sensitive little bum and inner-thighs trimmed, but i coaxed him the whole time and it was ultimately successful. now he's so shiny and soft! i doubt he'll have a bath while i'm away. maybe they'll trim his nails? anyway, it's nice to have that intimate moment with my dog before i head off.

-i vacuumed up a TON of bird feathers from around my parakeets' cage today. they've been busily preening themselves for a couple days, and when i got a good look at them today they look pretty scraggly with all of their pinfeathers coming in! it's very cute. i think they'll help each other get those sheaths off their heads, at least.

-last weekend i purchased a few camping things including hiking shoes, a dual-ended knife, and a first-aid kit. i'm feeling well-stocked up and more confident that this will go smoothly.


tomorrow is my last day to study before my GRE. i have taken care to keep the day free of any responsibilities besides studying and practice test questions. i think i might ride my bike to campus and hang out in the library all day and read. it's worked for me so far, i don't see why i couldn't keep it up. i plan to head there in the morning and just start cracking.

for the amount of stuff i'm trying to keep straight in my head, i am quite pleased that i haven't let it stress me out (not very much, anyway). i just keep reminding myself that i am totally in love with biology, and this is a great opportunity to refresh myself with all these important concepts. moving out of my apartment in tucson and storing my stuff at my grandma's house in phoenix is going to take careful organizing and planning, but it's awesome because it's free storage and i just have to rent the truck to haul it all. my family's helping me out, too, and that means a lot.

this is in two weeks! i'm going to be "dumping" my stuff off in phoenix and then i'm off for twelve weeks perusing forests for flowers!

it's late and i have no reason to stay up any longer...

truckin'

i've been studying for the GRE with a renewed determination since this weekend. i feel very emboldened by my progress, how much i remember of the content (so that it actually IS review), and that as i read i find things interesting and can actually integrate them once again into my understanding of biology.

in an email sent by a friend of mine today, she gave me advice on how to contact prospective advisers for graduate work, and mentioned that i might want to request that they contact me via phone because i may not be so accessible via email being out in the field for the next few months. i don't know why reading that had such an impact on me, but it was comforting and really exciting! it's true! maybe hearing (or reading) other people say it makes it feel more real and valid. she has also mentioned before that she thinks i'm going about achieving my goals the right way. coming from her, because i have so often sought her advice and tried to follow her examples, it means a lot.

so, spending a great deal of time in the belly of the science library on campus (which was one of my favorite quiet places to study for my science classes) has been comforting and nostalgic. it really has helped me focus, so i've been there for hours and hours at a time. coming home and trying to even think straight is a joke, there's just so many things waiting for me to do here!

anyhow, i think i'd like to try and finish a chapter before bed.

walking on pebbles

is it ridiculous to be almost scared about everything right now? i think there's more anxiety mixed in than anything really fear-related, but wow. as reality gradually kicks in, my stomach ties itself tighter and the prospect of completely changing my life at present is almost too big to imagine.

what i'll be leaving behind, for better or worse, is daunting.

especially this small fellow. our most recent moments these days have been so tender, he is such a sweet and loving boy.
he has been referred to as ethereal, magical, miyazaki-esque, perfect, and wise, by all sorts of people. he is a blessing, that yoshi, because he is pure and unadulterated, undiscriminating with his love, unselfish and aching to share, and because he keeps me young. his spirit is playful and forgiving, and i will miss him so very much while i'm gone.

being on The Trip last winter was excruciating, i thought about him so much, my small companion. i thought about those big brown eyes so full of love. anyhow, i'll miss him. i won't go on about it.

today is an important study day for me and my GRE study materials. i've already made it too big in my mind, i'm going to need to face it for a while so i can tame the beast. it's funny, too, because i've learned the majority of this information, and while the explanations are verbose and often completely out of my league, i understand most of the premises well enough that these major concepts won't knock me around so badly.

anyway, after next saturday, it will be out of my hair. that's a nice thing to look forward to, eh?

hummingbird love!

so this is the black-chinned hummingbird (male pictured) which is quite skilled at hovering over flowers, and fairs well using exploitation competition, which means it can exploit more types of flower resources spread out over a wide area.



this is the broad-tailed hummingbird (male also pictured here). this bird is aggressive and defends territories around quality food resources, has excellent maneuverability, but is not as good at hovering and better exploits flowers that are clumped together in a small area. this is called interference competition.


both these birds eat the same kinds of food, just like most hummingbirds, but having direct competition for those resources has led them to specialize in flower distribution. obviously competition influences the abundance and densities of these species, and quite a bit of background data have been collected for them. this summer we'll be doing vegetation surveys which involve setting up transects (250m x 10m), identifying food flower species, counting flowers, and matching flower abundance with NDVI (normalized difference vegetation index) maps. we're trying to find how these flowers are distributed, and we'll try to do two pixels (which are 250m x 250m, from the NDVI) each day.

this is an awfully ambitious attempt, by the way, because it spans not only into one state or one forest, but into four states and about a dozen forests in the southwest.

i have yet to read all the literature richard feldman has sent me on the dynamics of these species ranges, but i'm a bit shell-shocked as i look around and see a million things to pack, clean, read, study, donate, recycle, trash, or sell. mainly i would like to study for my GRE subject exam, which is just over a week away. if i don't start soon i'll be shooting myself in the foot, so to speak.

but all in good time, i suppose.

beginning a journey takes time

this is officially my honorary blog entry premiere.

let me tell you how it began:

i have been pushing so hard to find my first (or technically, second) big break into the science field, since getting my b.s. in biology over a year ago. last summer i worked with bats, but on an every-other-weekend basis and we stayed in a big trailer, so my camping/hiking/navigating skills are rusty. i've peppered the scene with my best cover letter drafts and dozens of electronic copies of my cirriculum vitae, but despite the many bites i got, most things weren't for me.

but last week, after a brilliant phone-interview the week prior, i got the offer to be a volunteer field assistant and go travel the southwest doing vegetation surveys for rocky mountain flowers and observe hummingbird behavior as they come to eat. and it's going to last all summer!

thusly, i have created this blog, since my laptop will be a constant companion (most useful wherever electricity and wireless internet are available, but not entirely necessary) and i am a bit of a shutterbug. simply put, it is a way to document my experiences over the twelve weeks i anticipate being in the field. a catharsis, no doubt, for the extreme life lessons i shall face.

i plan to keep a pretty detailed account in here, especially with the photographs. i'm really very excited about it all, and as reality sets in, it just seems to get better!

i might thank myself a thousand times over later when i have this as a resource to come back to post-trip. yay!