another year!

I recall once when I felt prolific and wanted to spend hours pouring my thoughts into my little Space blog, and at some point it fell away from me and I stopped knowing what to say or wanting to say it.

Things happen every day that are noteworthy, and I could wrap my mind around phrasing and interesting vocabulary, but somehow it becomes overwhelming trying to chronologue it all the time.  I was so good at it before!

Then I think I should try to catch up on all the things that have happened, to give myself a sense of how far I have come since my previous entry (in October?!).

So, let's see...October...
I was crushing hard on a boy who lived outside of Seoul, and was working hard in dance and taekwondo.  I had my first dance performance, and then my second, back to back.  I prepared so diligently for those performances, I was beside myself with worry that I would forget part of the choreography or not know the intricacies of the music.  On the performance days, though, I was unbelievably serene!  It's a rush to be performing again, especially as a dancer (which is something I've NEVER felt that confident doing) and having nothing to do with singing or acting (mostly).  I was even drumming, and that's new too!  Halloween came and went; it wasn't very important or exciting. I helped a friend get her costume ready for weeks ahead of time, and threw mine together in 45 minutes.

November...
Fall in Seoul is beautiful.  The leaves faithfully changed colors and took on a much more romantic, whistful ambiance, and I enjoyed many a stroll down roads on blustery days.  I extended my contract until the beginning of next July.  Thanksgiving was an interesting event this year, sharply contrasted to last year, which meant nothing because I knew nobody and it was my birthday and none of it mattered.  This year, I joined a family Thanksgiving meal and we engorged ourselves on all the delicious traditional dishes of home.  For my birthday, I joined another expat Thanksgiving celebration, and enjoyed loads of champagne and red wine and long, aimless walks to other parts of the city.  That weekend I went on my first Buddhist temple stay in Ganghwa-do (an island off the northwest coast of South Korea), and tried to silence some of the many conversations I was having in my head.  That was a valuable skill to practice; mediation is one of the most challenging things I can think of doing.  My "romance" was also waning and I knew that would happen, but it felt natural and not disappointing.

December...
This month started with me feeling desperately sad and lonely, wondering how to recover from being villified and seemingly abandoned by very close friends.  Eventually, it worked out, but it sucked.  I saw the boy for the last time.  I sent off my Christmas presents, I bought myself a few things.  I decided on some directions for the next phase of my life (e.g. After Korea...), and settled that graduate school feels like the necessary next move.  That's where I need to be devoting my time, that's what I want for myself.  I had the bright idea that I'd vacate to Thailand for two weeks after I finish my contract here, since I had been toying with the idea of going to Santorino or some other Greek island...but have you looked at flights to Greece??  Way out of my budget.  Thailand is so much closer and affordable, and easier to fly out of.  So I bought one of my three flights, planned out several activities, and am fantasizing about the beach and the palaces and temples and how cool it's going to be to finally have a vacation like that!!

Also, I found a posting for a graduate school program that really sounds perfect, and so I sprang on it and sent my application.  Even if it doesn't pan out for me, I needed to break the ice with that whole idea, since I've been completely intimidated about the application process and not seeing anything that really worked with my aspirations.  Besides that, writing the cover letter and updating my CV were really empowering.  I impress myself!!  I sincerely do feel good about my experience and how hard I've worked and how far I've come.

Christmas was good, too, despite being pretty sick all month and still under the weather on my holiday.  I slept in (late) and joined some church friends for a big Christmas lunch nearby.  My evening plans fell through and I ended up staying home and baking persimmon walnut muffins (DELICIOUS!!), but Skype and Facebook kept me in touch with my loved ones back home and that meant a lot.   I didn't feel far away.  My presents reached them the day after Christmas, and that was great news!

I went skiing for the first time ever this past weekend (on the 26th) with a friend, and it was awesome!  She graciously took time to teach me how to ski, and even though I fell a few times (and sprained my knee at one point), she said I took to it very naturally.  Can you believe it?  So I've been doing physical therapy this week to fix my knee up because it was pretty badly injured, but I don't think it could've happened at a better time.  I was already sick and still recovering from bronchitis, so my aerobic activity has been lower lately, and my vacation starts on Friday so I won't have to stand around all day teaching.  I can take it easy!!

Whoa, that means next year starts on Friday.  What a year, 2009.  I can't imagine what's in store for 2010!