the beauty of the beholder

I'm beginning to appreciate the benefits of a slower-paced relationship.  Certainly after having some practice, this rhythm feels more doable and tolerable, though I'll admit I'm still mentally gnawing on every detail.  Acceptance, insight, and empathy make up a bigger portion of our relationship so far than I have experienced in the past.  We're both busy, though the doctor is by far more consumed by his present schedule.  I'm anticipating a major expansion of my schedule load, whereas right now I'm merely trying to prepare myself and brace for it.

This summer has been about jumping through hoops in order to secure a provisional teaching certification, prepare my classroom, train to teach AP biology, move into my own place, and in general take a bit more responsibility for my life.

I did not anticipate, but desperately wanted, the addition of a new romance in my life.  I'm struggling to not jump ahead, because then I don't seem to appreciate what I have right now.  Trying to do the "right" thing feels so very uncertain.  One thing I know for sure is that it's important to give the doctor space to develop his own life here.  I've made an effort to be supportive and helpful, without offering my services as a tour guide/personal chef/ambassador.  I consciously do not mention how much I miss him or want to see him again.  I tell him I am grateful for the time he can share with me, while his schedule is unforgiving and he has very little free time to live a life outside of his job.  It should smooth out sometime soon, but for now he needs to focus and try to recuperate as much as possible when he's off.  I'm not entitled to a moment of that off-time, so it really means a lot to me when he wants to spend it with me.  The last thing I want to be is another one of his responsibilities; I want to be a fun, relaxing, exciting, supportive haven for him.

Phase 2 is when my work schedule kicks in, and we have to contend with really funky hours on both ends.  I hope things can work out, and I think they will.  This slow-pace stuff feels more natural and so I'm wondering how long we will take to transcend to each next level; it's brand-new for both of us!

I'm running a lot this summer, which makes me happy.  I never thought I'd get back into running after I broke my ankle so badly, and that was 12 years ago.  The prospect of getting back into muay Thai in August is very exciting, especially because I've managed to stay in shape and conditioned myself for longer stamina...very important in boxing!  My legs and arms and middle seem to respond more quickly to a few days off/on my exercise regimen, which encourages me to be more disciplined because I want that healthy body!!

New music is easy to dig up, and I've been enjoying the best new stuff I've heard in ages.  I'm such a music snob that it's very satisfying to drive around or run around and have my phone play incredibly underground stuff to drive or run or exercise to.  It needs a hook and an impeccable beat, some deep fluid bass or a new take on an old rhythm, and I'll love it.  If it compels me to move my body, that's perfect.  Plus, it's easy to find and I feel awakened!

Finally, after four years of displacement, living with my things stacked in a suitcase, a laundry basket, on top of the permanent fixtures, I am moving IN to my own new place.  It's enough room (but not too much), it's located an appropriate distance from my job and just east of the center of town.  I have loads of closet space, a bath tub, a small back yard, windows on both ends of the house, a dishwasher, and a fantastic kitchen.  I don't need the fancy architecture or amenities that pricier places proffer, so I'm delighted to have the space to work with.  I will need to purchase a few things, like a sofa, some new cookware and cutlery, a television, a toaster oven and a shower curtain.  I'm looking forward to doing a little nesting!

I think I'm going to run along and fantasize about furniture acquisitions and how I'll decorate my new home with all my OLD STUFF!