gratitude or attitude

This whole-body, visceral sensation of excitement and exhilaration is wonderful.  I know I can't feel like this every day, but I am relishing every moment of being on edge and infatuated.

It took five dates.  FIVE.  I'd like to think of that as some sort of personal record.  But when he finally kissed me, the fucking planets aligned.

He led into it with clues that it would probably happen soon, since Saturday night he met my friends and me for karaoke and afterwards as I hugged him goodbye he nibbled my ear and then kissed my throat...what a tease.  So the next day, when he came over to spend the afternoon swimming with me, it was explosive.

I enjoy holding back, though.  I never pictured myself appreciating stretching things out, but as we gradually layer increased amounts of intimacy I have all this time to indulge in what we've shared and can fantasize one degree higher.  Yesterday gave me so much to indulge in, it probably set me up for a week at least.

It feels great to have such an intense crush on someone again!  Though I've been told it is unwise to get into all that heavy emotional stuff early on, we delved in to seriously painful histories of loss and grief so early and to such depth and detail via email and long-distance calls, it's almost like we've cleared the air on what our mutual baggage entails.  I feel accepted by him, like he sees me as a survivor of my plights.  He teases me with a sense of understanding for who I am, and so he has full clearance to poke fun at me.

I'm going to spend this week basking in the recollection of the doctor's embrace, of his touch.  Also, listening to happy music.

Damn my heart feels good.