Rolling dice

We all know how fickle I can be ('we' meaning my theoretical regular reader and myself).  It could have gone any direction.  It could have been terrible from the first moment, or gotten slightly uncomfortable a few hours in, or any number of minor disasters I conjure up in my head.

But it wasn't.  It was perfect.  Easy.  Relaxed, exciting, fun, disarming, all at once.

The chemistry was undeniable, instantaneous, and prevalent.  Conversation was effortless.  We've already shared so much that now it's just there, in our combined repertoire, to build from.

However, I appreciate his maturity, and I am extremely flattered by his self-restraint.  We both agree that we are impulsive, we have short attention spans, and we are essentially players.  For us to make anything work together, we have to avoid those old pitfalls.  We have to take our time.

My biggest challenge is to simply slow down.  I want to get to point Z without traversing the whole experience.  For so long I have abhorred the idea of rehashing all my personal details with someone new.  With him, it's impossible to be afraid of telling him anything.  It all wants to rush out, so I have to really temper myself.

Our first day together was nine hours long.  We shared a lot of together time.  Buying personal items at the store.  Watching the sun set.  Deep secrets over beers.  Long embraces.

But that's as far as it went.  Even though I generally seek validation physically, he stopped it before we got more intimate.  It's so new to me that it shakes me to the core, but I have such profound respect for this man who wants to gradually become more intimate.

It was such a powerful thing for him to do that I didn't know how to tear myself away.  As I was driving home, I was so grateful and emotional and surprised that I couldn't hold it together, and I cried myself home.

Wow.  It could have gone in any direction, and it went THIS WAY.

I'm in awe.