wish you were here

I've found myself so groggy or sleepy or spaced out for several days.  I'm functioning all right, but now and then I wonder if I'm going to wake up in the middle of it.  When I was in college sometimes I felt like this, a bit, as though I'd just come to and realized I had a test the next week and had just been chugging along without looking forward or backward.

It isn't deja vu, but sometimes almost the opposite, as though I'm experiencing something I remember from a vivid dream.  I suppose this comes with being so close to a vacation that is surely the most unique homecoming of my life.

Last week I got a black eye during a bit of an extreme low point for me, which is odd because I've been trying so hard to be better.  I've nearly doubled my workout regimen and have clear results to show for it, so I'm really proud of that.  I've also taken more risks and relaxed about priorities and demands, which may well be the source of my daydreaming.  Without deliberate focus, perhaps I tend to mentally drift far and away.  I have more projects and most of them go unfinished (not unusual for me), but I abandon them sooner after starting them and care little about seeing them to completion.

The nice thing is that I have recognized my ability to bounce back, which is probably also part of this detachment.  This could be a mental and emotional recuperation, standby mode if you will, to help me leg up the last week until I have a legitimate rest.

I've started focusing more on dancing, too, since I have more experience in my repertoire.  I have to create the costumes for the performances, which I am most certainly not ready for, but it has given me a new opportunity to practice my limited sewing skills and to incorporate some of the many beads I bought last year at the Tucson Gem Show into something that represents my artistic side.

I like where my head is right now, although I haven't connected much to anything.  I feel really grateful for the people out here who love me, and for the beautiful summertime biology that is so different from a desert summer.  I've packed and cleaned a bit, too, and have managed to get my glasses repaired and tended to my puffy purple eye, so I haven't disengaged myself completely from the world.

Only time will tell.  I like to wonder how I will reflect back on this next summer.