3 x 7.

Actually even less than that. Just 20 days until I depart this land I will have called home for 20 months. Novelty faded away long ago, discomfort came and went at times, romance occurred momentarily more than once, and I managed to change my philosophy and lifestyle manyfold.

In these past few weeks, as I grieve the impending loss of this life and these relationships and this city, emotional songs carry more weight, and wise statements and adages strike me as more significant, profound and relevent. I'm facing changes I obviously cannot even fathom. "What's life without a risk or two?" I gleaned from an episode of American Idol. My friend from decades ago (no kidding!) reassured me that I may be going back to Phoenix, but it's not the same Phoenix and I'm not the same in it. Every retrospection on change as healthy, natural and beneficial helps to ease my heart. I feel so sentimental about every experience with friends, and even more so now.

The problem is that lately I've been quite sensitive, and my friends have suddenly increased their frequency of canceled plans and unavailability. I know it's all on my end, but this is the time when I don't want to have to fish for their attention, and when I ask them to work me into their schedules, I find it hurtful that it is such low priority. I don't demand much from friends, but I do ask that when something is important to me, they be supportive of that. With very little time left to spend with me, I'm tired of hearing, "You're leaving HOW SOON? OMG, we should get together before you go!" and then having nobody follow through. I'm so sick of flakey friends.

Meanwhile, I find no peace at my apartment. I've stripped the walls and tabletops of any decor and either stacked or packed it. I'm trying to sort through the clothing I plan to either ship home, give away, throw away, or pack for Thailand. A distance friend recently surmised that I should be psyching myself up about my vacation...I fully agree, I should. I'm trying, a little bit, to think on that bright side. My house is a chaotic mess. I went from sewing feverishly to finish costumes for my big bellydancing performance to going vegetative from fatigue to shifting gears into moving.

Also, I need to be responsible and spell out a budget for myself. Since I am not directly landing into the financial safety of a new job in Arizona, I should certainly lay out a plan for what money I will have to live on. This budget will have to account for vacation expenses, shipment of boxes and luggage, a few more payments on student loans, final bill payments, and the obligatory good-bye parties that I'm sure will commence in my final days in Seoul.

My mom's planning to pay me to help do some work on the exterior of the house, so I will happily use that bit of income.

I am looking forward to meeting up with one of my best girlfriends in Thailand. She's so relaxing and inspiring to be around. I'm sure we will share an unforgettable, incredible experience together. That will be nice.