on the move again

I've only been in Tucson for about five days, and now it's time for me to leave here, too. I hope I don't have some transient complex now. I have a job interview tomorrow afternoon, by telephone, and I've been trying to read up on a little literature about the program to which I'm applying.

Going back to Phoenix today is already quite a strange concept. When I get there, I'll be investigating job opportunities, however temporary, while also trying to get a foothold in a relatively new environment. I'm making it more than it should be, but anxiety is my food for thought lately. I wish it weren't so.

Toby has been incredible, by the way. Save for an incredibly BIZARRE drunken freak out after we came home from our friends' wedding, over which he has beaten himself up far worse than I could ever (so I forgave him for going crazy), this weekend has been really good. It actually doesn't feel so sad that I'm going away from him again, because I have sorted a lot out this summer, and even since I've come back. It's difficult, but possible, to remind myself over and over again that the roller coaster of emotions is operating in my head. Certainly, he is operating his very own coaster, or perhaps some other theme park attraction, but when I step outside of my head for a moment (which I have managed to do on several separate occasions) I can put it in perspective and center myself in the moment as opposed to in the drama.

But back to Toby: he has already started fueling his business ideas and expanding these thoughts into the spaces around him. He has friends whose connections are valuable networking resources, and he has confidently pursued and utilized these opportunities already! He has taken some time to decorate the apartment to his own tastes, which are wonderful, and the place has an entirely different and very personalized ambiance. He keeps the place clean (or at the very least he cleaned up for my arrival), he takes wonderful care of Yoshi, and has shown obvious tender loving care to the struggling backyard plants in the summer heat. He has been very supportive of me and my ideas, and if my perception is correct, has taken some inspiration from my passion and convictions about sustainability and conservation. That pleases me thoroughly!

Not to mention, he seems to be taking care of himself for a change. Not just catering to himself, the way so many guys do, but working to better himself, to become healthier and fit, and to live according to his values. I'm deeply proud of him, and I have gained a great deal of respect for him. Then, of course, there's always the reunion with someone you have loved for so many years, especially after having gained some objectivity spending several months with someone quite different from Toby and quite inferior to him.

So I'm leaving town again, and that's going to be a trip all by itself.