(quiet time)

as it turns out, 6000 miles can make a difference in the relationship between two ex-lovers.  it has been good, and it has been bad.  right now, it is bad.

the time difference is unforgiving, and for someone who was already difficult to get in touch with, now toby just feels like he's not interested in anything but my body (which is strange by itself since he's just watching me naked on a webcam).  our conversations frequently go nowhere, and i assume he's simply waiting for me to take my clothes off so he can masturbate.

it's lonely.  i'm lonely.

my friends out here are still very distant, temporary or tolerated.  my job feels too demanding with too little support.  i'm here for 10 more months, and i'm visiting the states in 3, and at the present moment, i don't feel like i belong anywhere.

i'm hormonal.  this is pms, and i'm bound to start my cycle any second, so i have my ear to the ground to sense anything that may be emotions underscored with excessiveness, which this most certainly is.

i'm tired of briana, as well.  for someone i get along with so well, her frequent complaining has become tiresome and discouraging.  her short, red-hot temper is somewhat like an extra person to tip-toe around, and her insecurities and judgements about nearly everyone around her make me wonder if she has any sort of confidence at all.  she is a little black rain cloud, with frequent thunderstorms and unpredictable lightning.  she's so rude, too, to katie and me and everyone else.  this sense of entitlement may come from being an only child, but i have enormous trouble relating to it or even tolerating it.  i don't feel able to cut 50% of my friends out during my fleeting time in korea, but it's grating my nerves and i am struggling now to keep any kind of annoyance from slipping out, lest she have yet another fit or make yet another scene.

i pray about it but i don't think i've prayed appropriately.  i'm not sure what to do.

i think i would like to quit one of my high school classes, as well.  the students are rude and they never pay attention, and the planning time it takes for this class is excruciatingly boring.  they want me to teach things i have slim knowledge of and for an extremely long time (two months, twice each week, for one program in microsoft office suite 2007).  i just don't like teaching that class at all.  i get nothing from it, and i most often find myself telling my students to shut up.

i feel better articulating these things.  i'm apathetic and hurt and angry and hormonal.  every action has a reaction.  it's time for bed.