Less steering wheel gripping...

I don't always have deeply profound self reflections, and some of my growth is more emotional and visceral than cognizant.  Lately, I have had to shed a layer of responsibilities to commitments I piled upon myself over the past two years, and practiced being able to breathe deeply while commuting.  These don't sound like much, but it has enabled me to experience a small degree of peace for the first time in many months.

Currently, I'm indulging in a positive relationship with myself.  I haven't been my kindest critic, and consequently I stagger beneath the crippling weight of my own guilt complex.  Everyone I inform this of insists that it's unhealthy and I have to learn to forgive myself.  Friends have also reminded me that if I am unable to forgive myself, it's unlikely that I will be able to forgive others.  Admittedly, I have issues with getting past offenses and infractions by friends and former lovers.  I appreciate having identified areas where I need growth.  I like growing and healing.

It takes a lot of effort to ignore the "big" picture and focus on the daily minutiae.  By force of habit, I generally look at my heap of problems with a wide-angle lens and proceed to panic.  I start adding up the details like starting the teaching certification program, writing final exams, completing my re-application, investigating the prospect of unemployment benefits, locating a local dance studio, and impending moves and near-poverty this summer, and I find myself taking shallow, infrequent breaths.

But, with effort, I'm choosing to focus on the small accomplishments I manage each day, and I can count them as triumphs and build from there.  My to-do list is finally a little shorter, and I had so much control over that the whole time.  It means I can actually spend more time training at the gym and, ultimately, exercise has been my best therapy.  So things are looking up.